After going three days without my morning coffee (and not just my morning coffee, but also my afternoon, and evening as well. how did i survive? that is still to be determined), I woke up knowing that I needed some. So, grabbing my favorite yellow mug, I brewed my much needed hazelnut beverage. As I plodded back up the stairs to my room to read my Bible, there were some thoughts that I couldn't seem to shake.
Like what (you may ask)? So glad you asked (or the rest of these words would be even more ambiguous). It all has to do with the future. What is going to happen with school? Do I really like engineering enough to finish this degree? What on God's green earth would I do instead of engineering? Yes, all these thoughts happened on my walk up the stairs. My mind, I tell you, is a big bag of crazy.
Sitting down indian style in front of my computer, my eyes met the book I was reading last night. Curious to recall my copious highlights of the evening, I opened the book. But first. Some background. This book has been sitting on my nightstand (along with about 10 of its closest friends) waiting to be read. Finally, I broke down and knew that I needed to make it a priority. So, I begun The Attributes of God by Arthur Pink.
Each little 3 paged chapter goes in depth with an aspect of God's character. Who God really is. And, last night it was the solitariness of God. Not even making it through the first page without serious conviction, I knew this book was going to change my view of God. Big time.
Turns out, my thoughts about the future were all just outflows of my disbelief of who God is. "He(God) was in no need of that external glory of his grace which arises from his redeemed, for he is glorious enough in himself without that." So, in the first place, God doesn't need me. Humbling? Yes, yes it is.
God doesn't need my worries. In fact, I'm pretty sure he knows all about my situation (and by pretty sure, I mean he knows all the ins and outs). He has got it handled. My worries benefit no one. Instead, they make my life miserable, and are an affront to the solitary God who set-up every circumstance for my good.
Phew. Alrighty. Sounds simple enough.
Ha. Not so. But, I did make the above conglomerate my desktop background. It's gotta help, right? God has abundantly supplied all of it.
So. I pray knowing that my God is the only god who is dependent on no one. I pray knowing that I am feeble and am only dependent on God.
What a relief. God doesn't need my forever changing mind, irrational decisions, or obsession with coffee. He doesn't even need me to be glorified.
But, he chose us. He chose me.
The implications of that? So far, mind-blowing. Still trying to figure them out, but I think that will be a life-long journey.