My desire to study, work hard, and do well on the collegiate level have never seemed further away.
I lack motivation.
I wonder why I am in college at all.
There was a time when I considered ditching the whole deal (college, that is). And, right now, it's looking pretty promising. I once was a self-disciplined student. What's left of that now? Nothing, really.
I miss being able to do what I want when I want. I miss my freedom. I abhor self-control. But, without it, I would fail.
My mind wanders to weird and creative places. Envisioning my life in the years to come. A beach house. In Oregon.
But, right now, college is what I have been given. God has given me this opportunity. How awful would it be to squander it?
So, I remember what God has done for me in the past. I remember how completely faithful he has been. Surely, He can give me the strength and desire to do what I do not want. I deny myself, pursue him, and trust.
My studying seems trivial compared to Him. But, God looks at all of my life-even what I deem trivial. Am I being diligent? Diligently showing others that I do not work for praise from man. I work so as to bring glory to the amazing Father.
16"You shall not put the LORD your God to the test, as you tested him at Massah. 17You shall diligently keep the commandments of the LORD your God, and his testimonies and his statutes, which he has commanded you. 18 And you shall do what is right and good in the sight of the LORD, that it may go well with you, and that you may go in and take possession of the good land that the LORD swore to give to your fathers. Dt. 6:16-18
I work for the good land.