I Just Don't Want to Go.

A while ago, I signed up for a missions trip of a lifetime. Going to Staten Island to work with missionaries who are great friends of our family. The opportunity to share the gospel excited me (like, big time). Not to mention, it gives me an excuse to spend some time with that lost Manhattanite of a brother. So, really, it's a win-win situation (thank you, Charlie Sheen for ruining that word for me).

I leave for the trip on Monday morning. And, I don't want to go. Not at all. Yes, I want to see my brother, but I do not want to go on this trip. This is me being brutally honest.

When the nearness of the trip hit me this morning, I knew my attitude was off kilter, but I didn't know if it was wrong that I didn't want to go. So, I did the only thing I know to do-pray. I laid it all out there for Him.

"God, you are powerful and merciful. You are righteous and just. You have extended your grace to me too many times when I do not deserve it. Thank you for this opportunity to serve you, but Lord, I don't want to go."

I read Isaiah 50 (what I've labeled my chapter of encouragement). Something happened after I got done reading it. I realized that it would be selfish for me to back out now. Because my reason for doing so would be the following: I don't feel comfortable with the group going, I don't feel like I want to, and it doesn't sound fun. Writing the reasons down makes them look even more stupid. All of them are so selfish. They revolve around me, and what I want. Not what God wants.

So, I'm going on the trip. I've signed up for it. I made a commitment. And, sometimes serving God isn't always just fun and games. It's saying no to what you want to do, and choosing to choose God above yourself (or myself in this case).

Admittedly, I am excited to travel to the city. It's home, and it feels even more so when someone I care about a lot lives there, too. Sadly, I won't be able to write while I'm there. Computers on Staten Island don't stay in your possession for very long. But, I'm bringing a notebook. Maybe, just maybe, I'll share snippets of my travels with you when I return. Pictures of the trip are a guarantee :)