This really was never intended to be a series. But, oh well. I can't promise that it will be as enthralling as Harry Potter; I'll do my best (actually, I won't even come close. this post has no dreamy Ron Weasley, noble Neville, or creepy Bellatrix. sorry).
So, where did we leave my relationships a couple days ago? I was wandering aimlessly through the icky mess, clueless about what I was supposed to do. To say that I am no longer doing this would be a understatement. I still have no idea what I'm doing, however, hopefully I have a better understanding of what God is doing.
Let's recap what's happened since the last post.
Monday evening, before an exam, I spent an hour just reading God's word (proverbs, actually. so good), praying and writing. To be honest, I didn't even spend any time thinking about my little conundrum. It was all about God, and I think that's what changed my mind. The best way to refocus: focus on God.
Before, I was thinking "what is wrong with my relationships? how can I fix them? what does God want me to do?" Wake up, Erika. Life isn't about you. Nope. Not one bit. So, maybe my wrong view of relationships is a result of my incorrect view of God. I had to ask myself, what am I living for?
Am I living for problem-free relationships, a world without people, or a world where I don't have to care? For me, my idea of the ultimate trial on earth was having shallow relationships, or no relationships at all. Why have relationships if they're all shallow, or if it hurts too much to actually know someone? How absolutely selfish does that sound (thoughts always look so much more ugly when they're written than when they're in my head)?
By now, I'm realizing how awful I am. But, that's not where I live my life-a state of "I am scum of the earth." Get out of the doldrums, and realize who I live for, now.
Yesterday, I happened upon this video. It just sort of appeared. Funny how much I needed to hear this (and still need to hear it).
What Is The Thing? from Revolution Movement on Vimeo.