Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Little House on the Prairie + Bi-Polar

Somehow, this topic always comes up with college girls (ok, with really any girls). The talk could be completely unrelated, but without fail, the little bugger sneaks its way in there. It sometimes gets to the point where I just want to abandon the conversation and fly off to Neverland (hmm, yes, Peter Pan, I love it). Perhaps, it's just the phase of life I'm in right now. Or, maybe it always sticks around. I'm banking on the latter.

THE topic just happens to be (brownie points if you guess correctly) relationships. This doesn't just mean the ones concerning guys (although, most of the time that's the only kind girls talk about).
It's on this topic that I've determined that I am most decidedly bi-polar (there's some irony for you). Oh sure, there are some days when a relationship would just seem like the cat's pajamas. Then, bam, I get this gut-wrenching feeling that relationships are the end (and not in a good way. think the earth is fire and brimstone). My thoughts just flip-flop back and forth. It drives me up a wall. For Pete's sake, Erika, can I not just make up my own mind (it sometimes gets so bad that I talk about myself in third person)?

By no means are my days consumed with thinking about this, but with the recent (and seemingly continual) engagements, weddings, and anniversaries, one cannot help but think about it. Without meaning to, I am bombarded with tulle. Beading. Lace. Flowers. Dancing (ha. just kidding, my church doesn't really do that...yet).

My mode of dealing with this issue is to simply not think about it. I do realize that doing so can be hard for some (especially seeing as I have two hobbies that go hand-in-hand with weddings). Handling the topic that way probably isn't the best. Honestly, it comes almost naturally to me.

Until I think I'm of marrying age (oh, come back to me Little House on the Prarie), I'm not even going to think about who I'm going to marry, when I'll get married, or if I'll elope (this is probably the one I've given most thought to). No, instead I'll focus all that pent up energy in focusing on one thing I know for certain-loving God and loving others makes me truly joyful. My life will be lived (fingers crossed) in a way that prepares me for marriage (maybe someday) without making it my main focus. I think C.S. Lewis put it well, "aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in; aim at earth and you get neither."

(please excuse the length of this post. I may be a wee bit passionate about this issue. Also, if you're reading this right now, that means that you were brave enough to wade through my numerous parenthetical additions. So, I thank you.)

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