You know that "sinking pit in your stomach" feeling? Yes, I know it well. So well. For a while you can't decide whether or not to ignore it. Then, it grows to the point where you can't help but take notice.
I had coffee with a dear, dear, creepy old friend (yes, she knows I call her this) this week. The first half hour was superficial talk. "Yes, life is going well." "God is good." That stuff.
Then, it just kept getting deeper, until it got to the point where I starting developing a pit. If someone had when video taping, I'm sure I was visibly squirming. I guess another word for this said "pit" is conviction or guilt. Whether or not I like that realization, it doesn't cease to be true.
"I worry about you sometimes, you know?" She said to me while we were on our third cups of coffee.
"Really? Why is that?" Who should really be worrying about me?
"I keep praying that you would realize that God lives in the mundane tasks." Then, she just looked at me waiting for a response.
"Ok. Yeah, I could work on that." A little bit of a cocky response, no?
"I wonder who you have to talk to, I guess."
"I have a really good friend, and all our talks turn to Jesus. It's pretty awesome, really. But, sometimes I feel like I get 'dumped' on more than I 'dump' on other people." I was trying to make an excuse. The topic needed to be changed. Evasion. I am an expert.
But, she was not to be distracted.
"Just focus on daily tasks and how God is working through those."
Dang it. She was right on the money.
This isn't the first time I've struggled to grasp this concept. It always comes back to haunt me. But, I can't kick this habit on my own. I need God to see God. The road to recovery (yes, that's how it feels) will be painful and difficult. Ultimately, it will be rewarding. Choosing God always is.