I would just stare for a good ten minutes at it. How did I get myself into this? It was not until recently that I began to doubt my "to-do" list finishing abilities. But, this time, it really did seem impossible.
That was not the end of it either. After one week, it didn't get better. No, it got worse. Way worse. I just kept adding things to my calendar (you think a red flag would've been going up in my mind...but, alas, no). Finally, I just stopped.
Literally, I lurched. At the worst possible time-right before spring break. Obviously, something was not going well. And it hadn't been going well in a while. Finally, it registered in my mind that I was not living the way I should have been (yes, this is a rather "duh" moment).
After a hefty dose of reading, writing, praying, and talking, I think I've figured it out. It's my view of God (doesn't it almost always come down to this?). For some absolutely idiotic reason, I thought that God belonged on Sundays and occasionally on a Wednesday. Of course, God doesn't really care about my school, work, and future!
Ha. That last sentence just makes me give myself a pity laugh. It's sad how easily I arrived at that point. It's as if the following mean nothing.
"I can do ALL things through HIM who gives me strength."( Phil. 4:13)
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind." (Lk. 10:27)
Now, I have to come to grips with how absolutely wrong I was (ok...I still am). Throughout this whole shebang, I've been reading "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. Granted, I don't 100% agree with everything he says, so much of it is just so true for the way I was living my life. "I found myself trying to love the right things without God's help, and it was impossible." I wish so(oooo) badly that those were my words, but nope, they're not. They belong to Don, but they perfectly summarize what I was doing.
Yikes. This post is a bit too long. But, I just know that maybe I'm figuring out a little (an ever so tiny bit) more what it means to live for God.
Please enjoy this cartoon of my life (pretty much). It helps if you substitute "ErRabbit" for "DonRabbit."
All pictures from Don Miller.