Thursday, November 11, 2010

Killing Trees and Happiness.

Have you looked at a college application recently? Those things are ridiculous. They want to know your parents and siblings names, ages, and educational background. Not to mention, I must recall all the community service I've ever done to make myself look like a good prospective student.

Well, I've gone through that whole shebang- the college application process. Yes, I was speaking in the past tense, your lovely reading eyes have not deceived you. I.Am.Done. No more applications, no more printing off reams of paper (tree huggers, you can start thanking

It was late on Tuesday night when I made the final trek out to the mailbox to send in the last application. My toes were getting cold walking on the damp pavement, and my sweatpants drug across the ground. I flipped the envelop in between my fingers feeling its thickness. The walk down the driveway seemed longer than I last remembered. When I got there, I just stood in front of it staring blankly. This was it. Once I put that envelop in the mail, there was nothing more I could do for my college education (besides not flunk all this year's classes). The envelop left my hand, and so did my power of the situation.

For the past couple of months, I've been pondering what this moment would be like. In one scenario, I broke into tears at the mailbox and worried horribly about my future. I didn't much like that one, so I produced another. In this scenario, I walked back to the house laughing and rejoicing, because I knew that the application was only a formality, of course I would get accepted and of course I would get a full ride. Well, neither of those situations wormed their way into reality, for which I am thankful (they aren't exactly my best imaginative work).

I just kind of meandered back to the house, thinking that nothing was really up to me. It's out of my hands (yes, I do realize how corny that sounds, but give me a second). Yet, saying the former is much different than actually believing and living it (and it's only been two days...sheesh).

It will be a while before I hear anything, and instead of groggily waiting around for that moment, I am resolved to enjoy these next couple of months. I should smile more, care more about other people's lives, and make bigger sacrifices. So, here's to (trying to be) happy.

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