The Next Step.

As I approach my senior year of high school, the more daunting everything seems. Remembering back when my siblings were seniors, I seem to remember them experiencing so much more than me. Now I realize that I'm seeing life with a new perspective and really, I'm experiencing all the same things. Still, things just don't seem like they should.

Following close behind the whole becoming a senior thing come questions about what will be my next step. My routine answer to that question is "Well, I'm not sure, but I'm open to what God has." Sounds like a good answer, right? Sure, in some ways it is, but right now I'm like a little ship lost in a storm. My sails are ripped and the storm is too much for me to overcome. So, I sit and wait it out. Slowly but surely my time is running out, the storm will be over at some point and I have to decide what will be my next move.

Honesty is the best policy right? Well, let me have a brief moment of pure honesty. I don't know what I'll be doing after this year and I don't care. Pick your jaw up from off the floor. The driven independent girl who supposedly always knows what she wants is directionless. Trust me, the feeling isn't a calming one. This is something I've never experienced before.

If you know me, you know that I don't like change. I avoid it like the plague. So, a "new experience" is basically just change with a pseudonym and I don't want anything to do with it. I've reached a cross road in my life that I did not bring upon myself, and I can't postpone it. Time keeps moving forward without asking me whether I want to join. What kind of deal is this?

I'm afraid, so, so, so very afraid. My time is running out.

I don't want to be the girl on stage during graduation with the loud powerpoint displaying under future plans "undecided". It's my pride getting to me-I know it.