We all know the feeling. The huge pit subsuming your stomach, the ache in your heart, and the yearning to just run as fast as you can in the other direction. You just don't belong. Maybe you were one of those with belonging for a long time and now things just seem different. Something has changed; you have changed. Your heart aches to break away and quietly reposition yourself somewhere different.
Over the past couple of weeks I have begun to notice more details pertaining to my life. Where I go most often. Who I confide in consistently. Then, I realized that I don't have a consistent place. I feel adjunct to almost everywhere I am. My friends are all growing up or moving away. My church doesn't seem to be the home in which I had once found shelter.
It's a sad demoralizing feeling. The feeling of loneliness, of not belonging. Nowhere feels right, nothing is sure.
When I feel like this, I remember my Savior-the man who is acquainted with sorrow and grief. He never belonged. He was always lonely. People falsely accused him. Those he thought were closest to him betrayed him. Through all that he experienced, he didn't complain or wallow in his alone(ness).
My soul feels like it's being wrenched away from everything I know and have ever loved. But, how can I feel alone when there is an all-loving God who has experienced to an even greater degree what I am feeling?
The pain hurts. Some days are worse than others, but it's always crouching ready to spring on me at any moment. I don't know why I am experiencing this. I don't know how to handle it. I can't do anything. But, I know that up above me, God is looking at me, filled with the knowledge of everything pertaining to my life. He knows it all and that is enough...